Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
