And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
