So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
