the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
