just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
