pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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