the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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