I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You are the jesus of drinking
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
