He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
