i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I could fuck to npr.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
