My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So. Much. Porn.
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