i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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