Im at strip club and am horny
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
