insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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