with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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