So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
