She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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