we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My ATM looks so different sober.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
