every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
