I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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