Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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