We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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