if you like me you must not know who I am
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
