i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
