Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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