In the future we'll all be gay
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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