I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
