your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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