the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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