I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
