A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
