Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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