I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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