i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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