but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
