Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think your dad took our porno
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
