I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
