He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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