Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize