Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
