If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
