A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
