u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
