I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
