He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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