3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
