Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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