guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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