It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
