i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Randomize