U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
