You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
