I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
