Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
