Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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