I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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