Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
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i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
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Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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