Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
