I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
